Dating Older Woman - Many challenges to watch

April 25th, 2009

 

Open Debate - email discussion sessions

I don’t really understand anything anyone has said on the above subject during our emailing discussion sessions. The woman is older, rich and wants a man to give her sexual gratification in exchange for money, gifts and material stuff. To put it plainly, this is a relationship of convenience because the sugar mama has even said that she does not mind the “cool guy’s” girlfriend.

 Let’s look at this from another angle, rather let’s reverse the roles. Here are women condemning this man and many would have no problem with an older man who has money and can shower them with it. How many women, maybe even some who post on this forum have men paying their rent, buying those phones, paying their bills for the salons and whatever wants they may have.  Have you not sen that happen befor or are you not in such a relationship yourself? Yet these men have wives and kids, some even as old as or even older than the women they are going out with? What am I talking about? Am talking about sugar daddies here and we know all about it.

Women have no problem with other women dating older men but when a man dates an older woman, they make all the noises. Competition seems to be a problem Mr. Cool guy, this is not a matter of public discussion but rather a matter of private decision. I have to warn you though that women are very possessive and she might say that she’s okay with you having your girlfriend but she will sooner or later want her out of the picture unless she’s married. I also must warn you that if she’s married, you might be at risk because the husband will get to know and he might put a contract out for you. You need to establish exactly what this woman wants.  If you have a girlfriend, why hurt her for  a woman who is just passing  through and will not be there for you always?  On the other hand, if she wants something discreet and  you stand to benefit, that really depends on your moral  fibre. What kind  of a man are you? Are  you a  malaya  and  a male  prostitute? 

 Anyway let’s discuss this from a neutral standpoint. Men call older women “cougars,” while women call younger men “boy toys.” Younger women call older men sugar daddies. It’s a cliché that’s become an absolute reality. And it’s not just famous celebrities like Demi Moore, Paula Abdul and Madonna who are snapping up younger men… It’s happening all over these days. But what should a younger man know about the realities of dating an older woman?

At the risk of stating the obvious, the older a woman gets, the less likely her chances of conceiving. However, it’s worth restating because it’s a fact that’s easy to ignore at the beginning of a relationship. So if you definitely want kids in your future, you have to be realistic about your reduced chances and not brush this reality under the carpet. You also have to be realistic about your options: IVF treatment, adoption and surrogacy are all possibilities, but the process involved in any one of these can be lengthy, frustrating and expensive.

Similarly, there’s an increased chance that an older woman already has a family of her own, and a prospective partner has to be aware that she comes as part of a package. While for some the idea of such a ready-made family has its appeal, again, it’s wise to be realistic about how it will impact your life.

It will obviously restrict more spontaneous moments and bring you responsibilities you may not be used to. And much of the time, you could fall into the second position in her life. In itself, this doesn’t have to be a problem, but go into it with your eyes wide open, and make sure it’s what you want.

Here’s the good news: with women peaking sexually later in life and men peaking earlier, it could put you in perfect sync. However, expect some changes from your usual experiences. If you’re used to less-experienced younger women, be prepared to be told what she wants and how she wants it. You may not be in the driver’s seat, but that could turn out to be a good thing.

There’s a pretty strong chance that an older woman has a few relationships under her belt, and if she’s single again, she’s likely to have had her fill of men telling her what to do. If you’re the type of man who demands things to happen his way and his way only, you could be in for a tough ride. However, if you’re at the point in your life where you’d like more input from your better half and are craving a more collaborative lifestyle, then an older woman could be for you.

“When I was in my first job, you were in third grade!” - People use the experiences and references from their past to express themselves in the now, and if you’re just not getting it, it can be frustrating for both of you.

 While, of course, many women are completely accomplished professionally, an older woman who’s been concentrating on, say, raising a family instead of a career is unlikely to have a solid source of income. If you’re ready for the financial commitment along with the emotional one, this shouldn’t be a problem, but again – be realistic about your future, what it holds and your responsibilities.

 Again at the risk of stating the obvious, the older a person gets, the greater her chance of falling ill. With any hope, you’re the nurturing kind and this won’t be an issue with the woman you love, but it’s important to understand your role in this situation. Also, bear in mind that if your older partner is somewhere between 45 and 55, she may go through menopause, which can hit some – but not all – women hard, the extreme fluctuations in hormone levels bringing on depression, anxiety, mood swings and memory problems, among other symptoms.

Bear in mind that not every older woman is dying to get back into the dating game again, and instead she may just be looking for a fling. That’s where a handsome, younger man fits into her life, so if you’re looking for more, you should maybe look elsewhere. However, if you want something more casual, of course this could work for you, too. Either way, make sure you establish what you’re looking for before you get involved.

 Again, if a woman’s had some serious dating and relationship experience, she’s going to know all your tricks. She’s heard all the lines, knows all the moves and can unconsciously gauge the dynamic. In other words, you won’t be able to get away with some of the things a more naïve partner would take for granted. If your intentions are good, however, this only works in your favor, as she’ll read you as the good-intentioned person you are.

 The reasons why some men date older women are as varied as the women themselves. These women, because of their experience, often have more wisdom and self-assurance than younger women -- perhaps they may also possess more self-reliance and tolerance. Some men receive mentoring from older women, who have had more relationship experience and often understand men well. Clearer about whom they are and what they want, "older women" may even have an advantage in the dating arena. In some cases, having a relationship with an older woman may work for men who don't want children. Age difference isn't as important in a relationship as most people think. What counts is whether a couple can create a working partnership and build an enjoyable life together.

 Socially, there's a role reversal of sorts going on, women are more powerful now than ever before and may want men who are younger, and perhaps, more flexible; men who can handle it if the woman's career and lifestyle takes priority over their own. Women who have high-powered careers -- or a well-developed self-image -- are exercising more choice. Women who have been divorced and are established single moms may enjoy having a playmate, someone to have fun with; who doesn't try to control her.

 Men are interested in dating older women because they are more experienced and more capable of handling relationships smoothly. Older women are mostly drama free and don’t make any demands on the men. Older women are more mature, financially independent, and good lovers. Younger men have been attracted to older women for a long time. This happens because older women are mature, know what expect from life, and do not care about what ‘neighbors say’. If in the past this was a big shame, today these couples are not keeping in secret anymore their relationship.

 Dating older woman can be a nice and exciting experience. If you are a person interested in dating older woman, you must think before because there are good parts and bad parts.
Some of the bad parts are that she has passed over in life and has many worries. She has ex-boyfriends, husbands, children's, pending divorces, financial obligations, debts. Maybe your friends will consider you a hero, but your friends will talk about you, frown upon you. Remember that she is older than you are, has life experience, so she is often in control, and would like to manipulate you.

 The good part is that she knows a lot about female- male relationships. She knows very well what she wants and from whom and usually looks for a man that consider like them that compatibility and open communication are more important than age. They do not need a man to take care of them. Older women are forthright and honest and they will tell you right off, what she thinks about you so you do not have to wonder where you stand with her. It is necessary that you find an older woman who is interested in a younger man. You will have bigger chances of success to win her heart .If you already have a date with her, do not blow up. Here are some helpful tips for attracting her.

 Be yourself. She is dating you because she likes you; you offer her spontaneity and fun. So, do not even think about impersonating someone that you are not. Take her somewhere she has never been before; show her that you are different from other men your age. Invite her at a jazz club, concert or an exotic restaurant. You must change the topic of your discussions. Ask about her job, hobbies, what type of music she likes... the lady is smart, confident and mature, so do not discuss about age. You should be confident too.

 Be spontaneous. Offer her something that people her age cannot, like excitement in and out of the bed. She is usually not looking for a serious relationship - she just wants to have fun. However, it is true that older women can do a lot for a younger man – besides sex. Do not compare her to your ex. This would not make her feel better with you. The older woman can feel comfortable being with you even if you are younger and it will be at ease with your presence. Make her feel important and show her that you are interested in her.

 You have to have the same intensity about life like her. You must know that an older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask what you are thinking, and this should not bother to you.  Do not move too fast. You know that she is not looking to make fast a family, because she already had one and that one failed. Maybe she already has children’s and this will complicate things. You should always be willing to accept the complications that come with dating an older woman.  Older Women are looking for companionship, sexual contact, and someone good to talk to and spend time with. So be it if the relationship goes further.

The scenario of a younger man dating an older woman is relatively new in our society but these relationships are already being proven to be worthwhile endeavors for both parties. As with any relationship where there is a significant age gape, there are some precautions that should be taken as well as some special considerations that should be factored into the equation. Some of these factors include the maturity levels of the parties involved in the relationship, the ability for friends of the couple to accept the relationship and the preconceived notions that society holds about this type of relationship. It is important for both parties to thoroughly consider these factors and make their decisions based on their own evaluations of the situation and not on outside influences.

 

Send in by Omollo Wawchira